This is what privilege is.

I’m a videographer, approached online by a bride who needs one for her wedding. I send her a summary questionnaire to get an idea of her needs. Basic stuff. She comes back to me a few days later with “I have to ask every vendor this: this is a same sex wedding. Are you okay with that?”

And of course, I respond, “I would love to shoot video for a same sex wedding!”

I am bisexual, but I married a woman. I didn’t have to ask a single vendor this question. I didn’t even think of asking. Hell, here in NJ, I didn’t even worry about the fact that our marriage is interracial (our families are very supportive – heck, almost every single cousin in my family is interracially married.).

So I can only imagine how sad and hard it must be to ask every. single. vendor. that question. Every time, risking the potential heartache of someone saying “No, I’m sorry, that’s against my beliefs. I won’t help you.” To be reminded that you are not living in a world where your love is admired, respected, or even safe. To go through the immense struggle of planning a wedding with the burden of this question on top.

You want to know what privilege is? Privilege is never having to ask “Is my love okay with you?”

Like any good freelancer, I want to land this gig. But now I *really* want to land this gig. So I can help create a kickass document of this beautiful love in a troubling and difficult time.

Political theatre for progressives

So apparently, the House Democrats are having a sit in about gun control.

Sometimes I feel like gun control is political theatre for liberals / leftists / progressives in the same way that bathroom bills, abortion, and sharia law issues are political theatre for conservatives / right wingers / culture fascists.

Gun control does not challenge entrenched moneyed interests. Gun control does not impact American imperialism abroad. Gun control does not stop political and economic elite impunity.

So we see the Democrats making some noise on it.

But I didn’t see any of these Democrats sitting on the House floor when we refused to prosecute the TBTF banks. I didn’t see them sitting on the House floor when we invaded Iraq. And I didn’t see them sitting on the House floor when Guantanamo Bay become a torture center. No, I am not impressed. This is not progression. This is theatre.

Why DC Movies Fail

First read this avalanche of failure.

So Batman’s got guns again. Whee.

And for some reason Snyder and co. think that we, the fans, don’t like deconstructions of our heroes. No, we just don’t like your movies, guys. We DEVOURED Captain America: Civil War, and what is that besides an interrogation and deconstruction of super hero tropes? Critically acclaimed and a billion dollar plus money maker. No, Zack, you just don’t understand what you’re making.

There’s this profound disconnect between the subject matter and the people making these films. They simply don’t understand what it is that they’re trying to make. Then a friend pointed out to me that Zack Snyder is working on an adaptation of The Fountainhead.

And suddenly it all makes sense.

I knew something was really wrong when Martha fucking Kent says to Superman “You don’t owe this world anything.” That is EXACTLY what Ayn Rand would tell Superman. What makes Superman what he is is not his super strength, invulnerability, heat vision, breath power, flight, or anything like that. It’s his sense of truth and justice. It’s his need to do the right thing, always. Even without those powers, Clark Kent would still be a hero. He’d be an amazing school teacher, a civil servant, a community organizer, an honorable soldier.

Randian libertarianism and traditional superheroism do not mix. The sick thing is that Randroids actually think it does. Self-sacrifice is the core of superheroism. It’s not the power or the wealth or the brilliance. It boils down to “Humanity, I love you so much that I will risk my life over and over again to save you. I will *die* for you. I love you that much. And you never need to thank me for it. Because it’s the right thing to do.”

It’s based on this profoundly Jesus-like love and collectivism. It’s in *TOTAL* opposition everything related to Randian Libertarianism.

Humanity

Humanity is a lousy boyfriend who makes beautiful things and fucks other people. Sleeps with a gun under his pillow. Is always afraid. Is only vulnerable on the page or on canvas. Can’t stitch those paintings into a sail. Doesn’t know how to tack into the wind. Navigates using polaris. Doesn’t know what to do with the sun. Kisses like he knows he’s dying. Knows he’s dying. Wants to know why. Asks you for answers. Smirks in your blank face. Fucks other people.

Guns

Every time a mass shooting happens, I am infuriated that we let another asshole get his hands on a gun and I instinctively want more gun control. Then I remember what a godawful job the state does of protecting racial, sexual, and gender minorities. Indeed, they’re often the ones handing out the violence, in giant heaping portions. And then I become that much more conflicted. With Trump perhaps about to become president, with Americans visiting Japanese internment camps excited about the prospect of Muslim internment, how can we possibly willingly disarm ourselves? This cannot be the only line of defense, but will the state be interested in any other argument?

The counter argument (one that I’ve posed myself repeatedly) is that our massive proliferation of guns has done NOTHING to protect our civil rights from eroding since 9/11.

But then the counter argument to that is that minorities have purposefully disarmed themselves and put ourselves at the mercy of the state – the guns, and the thought of armed struggle, is generally the province of racist, sexist, awful assholes.

And then the counter argument to that is that minorities (any type) can’t survive a shooting war with privileged people and the state.

But then the counter argument to that is that Iraqis and Afghanis just pantsed us in the Middle East.

Then the counter argument to that is that they only pantsed us because our military made an active decision to not butcher every man woman and child – they made an attempt to win hearts and minds.

And then the counter argument to that is that, well wouldn’t the military show the same restraint here if it came down to that?

And then I look and history and the answer is “nah, not really.”

And then we ask ourselves “Shouldn’t we try to be better?”

And then we ask ourselves “At what cost? Can we even survive being ‘better’ when so much is at stake??”

How much is pacifism a privilege of the cis and white?

How much is armed struggle a fantasy of the cis and white?

How much is relying on the state for protection a privilege of the cis and white?

And can we, as a society, continue to pay the awful cost of being armed to the teeth when in fact, our liberty erodes daily?

But with how badly our state handles the rights and freedoms of oppressed people (Brock Turner, anyone?) can we ask those populations to wait for the state to come to their senses?

But will provoking the state by arming yourself lead to a positive outcome?

Counterargument: no provocation was required for the violence currently taking place.

Summation? None.

The Walking Dead: Michonne Review

As a lover of The Walking Dead games, enjoyer of the comics, and serial tolerater of the TV show, I was excited to see Michonne’s missing story in Telltale Games’ The Walking Dead: Michonne.

I binged the whole three episode series in one emotionally gut-wrenching sitting. A few spoiler free thoughts:

1. The human antagonists (I would never call them villains) are deeply sympathetic and complicated. Telltale really goes out of their way to accomplish this.
2. There are no moments when I felt “Jesus why do I have to do this?” which I definitely felt in The Walking Dead Season 2 and The Wolf Among Us. I adored those games, but all of them had frustrating minigames, irrelevant interactions, or pixel bitching. None of that in The Walking Dead Michonne. These three episodes were all killer, no filler. Telltale was always great at telling a story, but I feel like this game never lost inertia and never felt boring. These three episodes were solid all the way through.
3. I wonder if the three episode structure forced the writers to create a succinct three act story, whereas the five episode structure forces a more complicated and difficult to accomplish five acts. And it’s even more difficult to create dramatic beats inside of each episode.
4. The in-action controls are better than ever. Quicktime events are not my favorite way to handle action, but the smoothness of that experience led to Michonne feeling like a bigger badass than either Lee or Clementine, which makes sense, given that she is much better adapted to surviving this world.

HERE THERE BE SPOILERS for the game and the comic.

1. If you’re following comic, you know Michonne is going to make it through this. What you don’t know is how much death and destruction she’s going to leave in her wake. It’s a question of doing the ethical thing less than doing the sensible thing, if that makes sense. You’re not trying to keep a vulnerable character alive – you’re attempting to do the right thing. This affected my choices a bit.
2. Killing Norma at the end of Episode 3 felt incredibly awful, which I’m certain was intentional. Yes, she’s trying to kill you. Yes, her brother is vicious and sadistic. But in a lot of ways, she’s not a whole lot different than Rick Grimes. She’s a beleaguered leader trying to hold together a town full of survivors. She did a poorer job, for sure, largely because she let her brother Randall run buck wild, but killing her didn’t feel like justice, like killing the cannibal brothers or the kidnapper dad in Season 1, or Carver in Season 2. It just felt shitty, hollow, and empty. You killed so you could live. That’s it, that’s all. This is what the world is now.
3. Based on his behavior in my playthrough, I got the sense that Randall had a deathwish. He constantly provokes Michonne, despite knowing full well what kind of person he’s dealing with. He never begs for his life. He never asks for mercy. He never tries to convince Michonne that killing him is the wrong move. In referenced backstory, he keeps killing people, taking risks, and engaging in rash action. I believe he does this because he doesn’t want to live anymore, but can’t bring himself to commit suicide. I was hoping that I would get the option to call him on his bullshit during the “hand vise” scene, but no such luck. I feel like it was a missed narrative opportunity, but it didn’t hinder my enjoyment of the game.

Two thoughts on gun control

Thought 1

Do you want to know how to get rid of the Second Amendment? Start up the Black Panthers again. Create a Muslim Panthers. A Chinese Panthers. A Latino Panthers. Arm all the racial minorities. Arm the women. Arm the Planned Parenthood employees. Arm queer people. Arm trans* prostitutes, particularly trans* youth sex workers engaging in survival sex work. Make it legal to shoot rapists with impunity. Teach radical self-defense in American high schools, but only to people who belong to oppressed groups, because those are the groups that have been historically exposed to government tyranny and the viciousness of their fellow citizens. Start up AIM again, and give real sovereignty to the tribal leaders, so anyone who steps on their land without permission can be gunned down without trial. Anyone who tries to sell their mineral, water, and oil rights who isn’t a tribe member can be shot as a violation of their sovereignty.

You will see the Second Amendment evaporate faster than you can says “bipartisanship.”

Thought 2

The mighty US military just got pantsed by a bunch of guys with technicals, AK-47s, and roadside bombs. In a grinding, awful ten year war in Iraq. An American guerrilla army *definitely* has the potential to cause all manner of intense grief to the actual standing US army. Unless you are willing to do something like ride through a neighborhood and kill every man, woman, and child absolutely indiscriminately, conventional military force means less and less these days. We weren’t willing to do that in Iraq / Afghanistan, and the troops who did pull shit like this were put on trial (and rightfully so). I’d imagine that American troops would be even less inclined to commit war crimes this if they were rolling through, say, St. Louis, Brooklyn, or Tulsa.

That being said, we’ve seen concrete erosion of our freedom since 2001, all in the name of protecting it from terrifying brown people. All the guns in the world didn’t stop that.

In terms of protecting freedom with force, these supposed “real Americans” are cowardly and pathetic. They lack the intellect to realize that we’re frogs in a slowly boiling pot of water and the willpower to do anything about it. They see violations of our Constitutional freedoms as necessary protections against terrorism.

Guns don’t protect freedom. People protect freedom.

And our people have utterly, profoundly failed.

Your Story

If I die tomorrow, let the lesson I tell the world be this one:

Tell your story.

It’s important because it’s yours. In the end, it’s the only thing you really own. Not your breath, not this windup flesh. Just a narrative of you, moving through the world, a catalogue of your hurts, a list of people you’ve loved. If it wasn’t important, it wouldn’t have happened.

And it did happen.

You know because you were there.

Back for a bit…

Hey guys,

I’m in a bit of a lull at my job (I’m the head of customer experience and we’re undergoing a maaaaaaajor redesign and the site is closed down) so I wanted to post again and let you know that I am, in fact, not dead. I know, quite a shock, right?

Anyway, to give you a rundown on things I’m working on:

1. Helping with grassroots fundraising and fundraising narrative for Art House Productions.

2. Working on a lyrics video for a prominent APIA poet.

3. Working on my own play, The Girl Behind The Glass, which is about androids, sex, personhood, and consent. My very generous father just got me a tiny little netbook (about 11″ screen, less than three pounds) that I’m planning on using on the train to write to and from work every day. I’m currently on draft 2, and I’d love to be done with draft 3 by the middle of the summer.

4. Providing critical technical support for the Jersey City Slam, whose finals are this upcoming Thursday (May 14, 2015) at El Dopeness at 332 2nd St. in Jersey City. I’m planning on helping to create videos, audio recording, and other stuff to help get the team out to the National Poetry Slam in Oakland this summer.

5. Hosting shows on IndieFeed. Most recently, I did a podcast featuring dear friend and exceptionally talented poet Jeanann Verlee (check it out here!)

6. Gigging out with the Fractal Ensemble, my wordcore spoken word / experimental rock band. We have an outdoor show on Saturday, May 9 at 8 PM at Revolutionary Lounge and Cafe in Tom’s River, NJ!

7. My poetry is being featured as part of Spoken Motion, a dance performance set to poems and music, on May 28 and 30 in NYC. Click the links to see the FB events!

So I’m still alive, and still out there, making stuff. For more up to the minute information, posts, etc. you can find me at my Facebook or Twitter. I’ll also be posting here, as much as I possibly can. Sorry for the long wait between posts. 🙂

High Flight

Flight gave us this poem, and war took the poet away. Without war, the poet would not have flown. Without flight, we would not have this poem. Without war, the world would still have this poet. 

I am struck dumb at both the painful irony of the world and the breathless beauty of this poem. 

“High Flight” by John Gillespie Magee Jr. 

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth, 
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings; 
Sunward I’ve climbed and joined the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds – 
and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of – 
wheeled and soared and swung high in the sunlit silence. 
Hovering there I’ve chased the shouting wind along 
and flung my eager craft through footless halls of air.

Up, up the long delirious burning blue 
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace, 
where never lark, or even eagle, flew; 
and, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod 
the high untrespassed sanctity of space, 
put out my hand and touched the face of God.